http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html The Truth of Jealousy Series- This audio-article / Podcast explains what jealousy is, where it comes from, what it feels like, and how it effects your self-esteem. Part 2, it explains how to get control of jealousy. Copyright © 2005-2007 WomensSelfesteem.com dorothy@womensselfestem.com en-us Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:05:44 GMT AudioAcrobat RSS Feeder 1.20 Self Improvement 1440 http://womensself.audioacrobat.com/albumart/1000.1218229544.jpg http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html Dorothy Lafrinere The Truth of Jealousy Series- This audio-article explains what jealousy is, where it comes from, what it feels like, and how it effects your self-esteem. Part 2 explains How to Get Control of Jealousy. Jealousy no jealousy,jealous,relationship,self,esteem,self,help,women,self Dorothy Lafrinere Dorothy@womensselfesteem.com b9201387-4975-0819-32f3-7fa954119c4f Getting Control of Jealousy Hello and welcome to womenssselfesteem.com's audio-article, The Truth of jealousy 'part 2. Getting control of jealousy! I would like to open this article with a quote that says many truths in so few words. “When you're a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. The Lesson: If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.” The author of this quote -maalanyc Sasha Azevedo In this audio-article you will learn different strategies and positive steps in battling the negative thoughts that feed the hunger of jealousy. I would like to ask for 20 minutes of your time to hear very important information in regards to overcoming jealousy. Jealousy and ones feelings of low self-esteem seems to have become a widespread issue for many women these days. It's not that women are just beginning to suffer from these horrible confining emotions; it 's more that women are finally seeking ways to understand their emotional reactions and overcome them by reaching out for help. Jealousy is no longer being considered an issue of embarrasement, which is one of the reasons so many women would not come forward and ask for support. Let me ask you this, what is the first thing you do when you have a cold? You run to the store and get medicine or you call a doctor, there is no embarrassment there, just an intelligent decision to reach out for a cure. It's considered a brave and intelligent decision to find the cure for this illness, jealousy,being the illness that we are talking about here. *The next point that I am going to talk about is very important. It involves gaining self-acceptance and self-understanding. Finding a cure and finding ways to battle jealousy issues are one in the same. When you find yourself falling back into old habits of thinking, battling an issue like jealousy is going to take persistence, commitment, repetative actions and a will to get up, time after time when you find yourself falling back into old habits of thinking. In order to battle any emotional confusion you must first seek self-understanding and then self-acceptance. Understanding yourself, who you are now and how you got to this point is the basis for self-understanding. Self-understanding must be identified before you will ever be able to gain self-acceptance. Knowing how you got to this point in your life is critical for you and must be addressed. Chances are, you may not be able to identify or remember exactly what took place in your past that was so negative. Most women with jealousy issues, have experienced some type of trauma or negative experience, to a degree, some time earlier in their life. As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series on jealousy, neglect, verbal and physical abuse during a woman's early childhood can have a massive impact on how well you are able to handle your emotions in relationships. Though you cannot change your life history, understanding and acceptance of your self is a must. Know who you are and know that you have past issues and that you have grown past them, this is how you must see yourself now. Learning to accept yourself will allow you to accept others for who they are and you will also see positive motives as opposed to negative ones. Now you must act on the understanding that you have gained about yourself or all of what I am about to teach you will be a waste of time. The choice is yours. Taking action is a choice that you must commit to in order to win any battles in life. Do not allow your fears and worry become your way of life. Gaining self-understanding and self-acceptance and learning to understand how to take control of your emotional reactions is a definite positive step towards strengthening your self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. It also is very effective in erasing the self-blame that will eventually begin to wear you down. After enough jealous irrational reactions, it is a fact that you will begin to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. "Self-blame= guilt". When jealousy has been allowed to damage your relationship you will begin to fall into the guilt stage . How can you not blame yourself, when it is you that is allowing these feelings to control you? This thought in itself is strong enough to tell you that it is time to stop allowing negative thoughts to ruin your life and start allowing only positive thoughts into your mind. One of the main complaints that I have read and heard from women is how hard it is to have to constantly remind yourself to think positive and how very frustating and tiring it is to continue this battle every day. These feelings are going to definitely be there, how can they not be, you are battling a serious issue, you are fighting for your life so to speak. I would expect nothing less, than to have to put my best foot forward in gaining anything worth having. A very important thing to keep reminding yourself of is, that as hard as you fight to survive, the stronger your inner self will become. Your strength depends on your will to fight and overcome this jealous trap. Many of you have heard this next thought or quote. "whatever does not kill you, will eventually make you stronger". These are very good words to live by. Like any negative trauma or emotional scar that our minds experience, that memory of the trauma never goes away nor will it be surgically removed and the scar is always going to be there. Emotional scars must be dealt with, through your choice of thought, it is through positive steps and strategies that you will learn how to put these scars in a safe place. If you allow this memory to gain strength and return, it will. Jealousy and low self-esteem are very strong, and controlling negative feelings. These feelings can only be overcome within yourself if you truly WANT this. The key is You and how badly you want to end this lonely and frustrating world that you are being held captive in. One strategy on how to deal with jealousy is where control over positive and negative thinking habits come into play. Your negative thoughts will trigger your jealous emotions and put your mind and body into a total defensive mode. If you have listened to part 1 of this series or have experienced an attack of jealousy, then you understand what I am trying to say. Your body language immediately changes from relaxed to very uptight and almost nauseating. Your need to escape into invisibility is instant. At this stage in your reaction you must wake yourself up out of that hold and realize what is going on within your thinking. It is so important to be able to understand and identify your negative thought. Once you begin to identify to yourself exactly when this fear begins to trigger inside of your mind and you are able to feel that control switching from a happy self to a paranoid self, only then can you begin to grab hold of that thought and begin to change it. This is a very important strategy in gaining self-control over your negative thoughts. But overcoming them is just the first step, then you must learn to stay the course and be ready for their ugly return, because as I have already said, they will return. With your ability to choose positive thinking you can control a lot of what comes and goes in your mind. When you can accept who you are, you will be able to trust yourself and inturn trust others. To be able to trust is to be able to feel freedom in your life. Trusting your partner is a key that will open many doors to happiness in your relationship. Believe me, if he did not want to be with you, he would not. If he happens to see a pretty site, smile and agree that it is a pretty site and carry on enjoying your day. No one is trying to erase you from his mind. There is no connection between you and what might cross his path. You are his choice. He chose you. He has made a positive choice and he is happy with that choice. Show him the same respect and choose to trust him and choose to not allow your mind to get trapped on a negative roller coaster. You and only you are responsible for your happiness. Think about how long you have been with your partner and how often your reactions ruin so many good times. Now think again about who he is and how much he does love you. This is the man that you chose to share your life with. These are very important facts that you have to realize. You already identify, that Jealousy is infact something inside your mind caused by low self-acceptance and self-understanding emotions. What begins to stir it up, are the triggers around us. Your partner's reaction or action can be one of the greatest triggers you are faced with, because you are personally attached to him. You allow him inside of your most private mind and inner self, unfortunately that is where your emotions are stored. Being of a negative mind and feeling emotionaly threatened, will not mix well, therefore leaving you in a constant emotional battle. Emotional jealousy is a very difficult thing to get over because you cannot control these triggers. Even though you know and understand what the triggers are, your partner does not. Yes, you tell him over and over, you scream at him, and you will spend countless of hours tearing yourself down over certain actions or reactions that trigger your weaknesses and fears. Some partners feel that there is absolutely no connection to their habits and your fears, others feel that they are to blame either way it's unjust. *Ask yourself these questions and try to answer them honestly: Could your partners negative reaction be due to a miscommunication on your part? When you are in an uncontrolable state of fear, how do you go about getting your partner to understand you? Do you blame him? Do you accuse him? Do you simply mistrust him because of a past failed relationship? Now think about this: Your partner is not the other person that was involved in hurting you in the past, love him for who HE is, not who has hurt you before him. Accusations and mistrust are very hard things for your partner to deal with or even know how to fix. He also feels that he has to be careful where he looks and who he talks to, that is called, "Walking on Eggshells", noone likes to feel that way in a relationship. The only reason your partner walks on eggshells around you is because he loves you and wants to understand you. So thank him for that and tell him it's not necessary anymore. If you are speaking through a negative thought, the only reaction that your partner will feel is a negative one. In turn he reacts and goes into am immediate defense reaction. Neither of you are thinking positive when this happens. No wonder things get out of hand and turn into an even more negative situation. You are left, still in fear and now you have guilt and your partner is left with confusion and a ton of frustrations. If your partner tells you that your irrational thoughts are killing your relationship, you had better beleive it. He is 100% correct in that fact. If you are at a point in your relationship which you feel that the damage is unrepairable and that your partner will not even want to talk to you about your fears again, stop that thought right now. He would love nothing more than to hear a different approach to getting you happy. Your partner is in on this issue along with you, and that is why he gets so angry when he is feeling unjustly accused of things that even he can't control. Know this, your partner will make his own decision, whether you scream and yell or waste your life allowing your mind to be destroyed by negative thoughts. Your need to trust is imperative in any relationship. Trust and negative thinking do not go hand in hand. Only positive thoughts will bring positive results. Through your jealous thinking you are making a huge mistake and adding more confusion to your mind by not looking at the real picture. The picture being, yes he might find someone else and yes he might leave you, but you yourself may end up in this exact same situation. No one can predict the future, but why would you want to think the worst scenario. IF your partner does decide to change his life and I emphasize IF here, why even waste one second worrying about what you will not be able to change. You must learn to enjoy life for what it is today and trust your own self that you do love and you do trust this person. It is so much easier to be happy and learn to say, SO WHAT more often to the little stuff. Another very effective strategy in overcoming jealous habits is good communication, learn how to talk to your partner about how YOU feel inside, not how he makes you feel. Take the part of who is actually allowing these negative feelings to enter inside of you. It is you, not your partner. Asking your partner for help will open his heart and he will not feel accused. Explain how your feelings on certain things are challenged through your own insecurities, and not by other elements. If your partner feels that you are being honest and not judgemental or negative, he will open up to support you and listen to you. You must not use an accusing voice when you are trying to explain how your fears are controlling your reactions. It is important to understand that all of your emotional issues are seeded inside of you through a lack of self-confidence, self-acceptance or self-esteem. Through those insecurities, jealousy finds its way into your mind using negative thoughts. You tend to look to blame almost everyone but yourself for how you feel. This is so you do not have to do all the work to change your way of thinking, you are infact putting the responsability on someone elses shoulders. This is very wrong and yet another negative way to think. You must learn to grasp the reality of how your thoughts work. You can go on and on suffering or you can take a stand and take control of how you allow triggers to effect you. Remember this please, that you will fall and be faced with getting up and going forward over and over again. You will fall back and feel how easy it is to allow jealousy to take hold of you. Jealousy will try to convince you to be your old self and that life will be good, which you now know is not true. You will have to fight these jealous feelings and focus on how unhappy the old you was and still would be. You will have to say NO to them and push forward, even if you have to grab a pen and paper and write in your journal, just to derail these negative thoughts, do it, do whatever it takes even if it means making a funny face at yourself in the mirror at yourself,if it means screaming at the top of your lungs or jumping up and down, just do it. You must derail those negative thoughts. Self- talk is what you will become very good at after a while, but it does take time. These old ways of thinking will also play mind games with you which I refer to as, "mind trickery". Mind trickery is when your positive and negative thoughts battle to control your actions and reactions to certain situations. Fear and worry cannot exist in the same mind frame as love and acceptance. Once you can learn to put love and self-acceptance ahead of fear and anger, will you then be able to allow a calmer state of mind and thought. I can not stress this point enough. Making positive decisions is entirely up to you and noone else. You are the only one that can make YOU happy in your mind. You have the ability to chose, so please chose positive. If you don't have self-acceptance and understanding of who you are, you will always feel threatended by someone or something. The more you can tear down these negative fears the less threatening they will be. If you pretend it is not you that has the issue and try to ignore it, you are doing nothing but delaying the inevitable. My question to you is,"What are you waiting for?" The answers are all inside of your mind. They will not be hand delivered to your door step with instructions or a guarantee. If you are waiting for your partner to actually get so tired and frustrated that he leaves you, that too will happen and you will have no one to blame but yourself. It is never to late to change and reach out for help as long as your reach does not come with any type of conditions or demands. I will end this now by reminding you that not only is positive thinking an important key to being happy and able to trust,but it is very much through understanding who you are and accepting yourself. Again I will say, you have the ability to chose how you think, so please chose positive. This is a production of womensselfesteem.com and I hope that this article has been beneficial to you in helping you learn how to battle jealousy. Thank You for your time. Dorothy Lafrinere, Founder of WomensSelfesteem.com Mon, 19 Mar 2007 11:22:29 GMT Dorothy Lafrinere Getting Control of Jealousy Hello and welcome to womenssselfesteem.com's audio-article, The Truth of jealousy 'part 2. Getting control of jealousy! I would like to open this article with a quote that says many truths in so few words. “When you're a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. The Lesson: If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.” The author of this quote -maalanyc Sasha Azevedo In this audio-article you will learn different strategies and positive steps in battling the negative thoughts that feed the hunger of jealousy. I would like to ask for 20 minutes of your time to hear very important information in regards to overcoming jealousy. Jealousy and ones feelings of low self-esteem seems to have become a widespread issue for many women these days. It's not that women are just beginning to suffer from these horrible confining emotions; it 's more that women are finally seeking ways to understand their emotional reactions and overcome them by reaching out for help. Jealousy is no longer being considered an issue of embarrasement, which is one of the reasons so many women would not come forward and ask for support. Let me ask you this, what is the first thing you do when you have a cold? You run to the store and get medicine or you call a doctor, there is no embarrassment there, just an intelligent decision to reach out for a cure. It's considered a brave and intelligent decision to find the cure for this illness, jealousy,being the illness that we are talking about here. *The next point that I am going to talk about is very important. It involves gaining self-acceptance and self-understanding. Finding a cure and finding ways to battle jealousy issues are one in the same. When you find yourself falling back into old habits of thinking, battling an issue like jealousy is going to take persistence, commitment, repetative actions and a will to get up, time after time when you find yourself falling back into old habits of thinking. In order to battle any emotional confusion you must first seek self-understanding and then self-acceptance. Understanding yourself, who you are now and how you got to this point is the basis for self-understanding. Self-understanding must be identified before you will ever be able to gain self-acceptance. Knowing how you got to this point in your life is critical for you and must be addressed. Chances are, you may not be able to identify or remember exactly what took place in your past that was so negative. Most women with jealousy issues, have experienced some type of trauma or negative experience, to a degree, some time earlier in their life. As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series on jealousy, neglect, verbal and physical abuse during a woman's early childhood can have a massive impact on how well you are able to handle your emotions in relationships. Though you cannot change your life history, understanding and acceptance of your self is a must. Know who you are and know that you have past issues and that you have grown past them, this is how you must see yourself now. Learning to accept yourself will allow you to accept others for who they are and you will also see positive motives as opposed to negative ones. Now you must act on the understanding that you have gained about yourself or all of what I am about to teach you will be a waste of time. The choice is yours. Taking action is a choice that you must commit to in order to win any battles in life. Do not allow your fears and worry become your way of life. Gaining self-understanding and self-acceptance and learning to understand how to take control of your emotional reactions is a definite positive step towards strengthening your self-esteem, self-respect and self-worth. It also is very effective in erasing the self-blame that will eventually begin to wear you down. After enough jealous irrational reactions, it is a fact that you will begin to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. "Self-blame= guilt". When jealousy has been allowed to damage your relationship you will begin to fall into the guilt stage . How can you not blame yourself, when it is you that is allowing these feelings to control you? This thought in itself is strong enough to tell you that it is time to stop allowing negative thoughts to ruin your life and start allowing only positive thoughts into your mind. One of the main complaints that I have read and heard from women is how hard it is to have to constantly remind yourself to think positive and how very frustating and tiring it is to continue this battle every day. These feelings are going to definitely be there, how can they not be, you are battling a serious issue, you are fighting for your life so to speak. I would expect nothing less, than to have to put my best foot forward in gaining anything worth having. A very important thing to keep reminding yourself of is, that as hard as you fight to survive, the stronger your inner self will become. Your strength depends on your will to fight and overcome this jealous trap. Many of you have heard this next thought or quote. "whatever does not kill you, will eventually make you stronger". These are very good words to live by. Like any negative trauma or emotional scar that our minds experience, that memory of the trauma never goes away nor will it be surgically removed and the scar is always going to be there. Emotional scars must be dealt with, through your choice of thought, it is through positive steps and strategies that you will learn how to put these scars in a safe place. If you allow this memory to gain strength and return, it will. Jealousy and low self-esteem are very strong, and controlling negative feelings. These feelings can only be overcome within yourself if you truly WANT this. The key is You and how badly you want to end this lonely and frustrating world that you are being held captive in. One strategy on how to deal with jealousy is where control over positive and negative thinking habits come into play. Your negative thoughts will trigger your jealous emotions and put your mind and body into a total defensive mode. If you have listened to part 1 of this series or have experienced an attack of jealousy, then you understand what I am trying to say. Your body language immediately changes from relaxed to very uptight and almost nauseating. Your need to escape into invisibility is instant. At this stage in your reaction you must wake yourself up out of that hold and realize what is going on within your thinking. It is so important to be able to understand and identify your negative thought. Once you begin to identify to yourself exactly when this fear begins to trigger inside of your mind and you are able to feel that control switching from a happy self to a paranoid self, only then can you begin to grab hold of that thought and begin to change it. This is a very important strategy in gaining self-control over your negative thoughts. But overcoming them is just the first step, then you must learn to stay the course and be ready for their ugly return, because as I have already said, they will return. With your ability to choose positive thinking you can control a lot of what comes and goes in your mind. When you can accept who you are, you will be able to trust yourself and inturn trust others. To be able to trust is to be able to feel freedom in your life. Trusting your partner is a key that will open many doors to happiness in your relationship. Believe me, if he did not want to be with you, he would not. If he happens to see a pretty site, smile and agree that it is a pretty site and carry on enjoying your day. No one is trying to erase you from his mind. There is no connection between you and what might cross his path. You are his choice. He chose you. He has made a positive choice and he is happy with that choice. Show him the same respect and choose to trust him and choose to not allow your mind to get trapped on a negative roller coaster. You and only you are responsible for your happiness. Think about how long you have been with your partner and how often your reactions ruin so many good times. Now think again about who he is and how much he does love you. This is the man that you chose to share your life with. These are very important facts that you have to realize. You already identify, that Jealousy is infact something inside your mind caused by low self-acceptance and self-understanding emotions. What begins to stir it up, are the triggers around us. Your partner's reaction or action can be one of the greatest triggers you are faced with, because you are personally attached to him. You allow him inside of your most private mind and inner self, unfortunately that is where your emotions are stored. Being of a negative mind and feeling emotionaly threatened, will not mix well, therefore leaving you in a constant emotional battle. Emotional jealousy is a very difficult thing to get over because you cannot control these triggers. Even though you know and understand what the triggers are, your partner does not. Yes, you tell him over and over, you scream at him, and you will spend countless of hours tearing yourself down over certain actions or reactions that trigger your weaknesses and fears. Some partners feel that there is absolutely no connection to their habits and your fears, others feel that they are to blame either way it's unjust. *Ask yourself these questions and try to answer them honestly: Could your partners negative reaction be due to a miscommunication on your part? When you are in an uncontrolable state of fear, how do you go about getting your partner to understand you? Do you blame him? Do you accuse him? Do you simply mistrust him because of a past failed relationship? Now think about this: Your partner is not the other person that was involved in hurting you in the past, love him for who HE is, not who has hurt you before him. Accusations and mistrust are very hard things for your partner to deal with or even know how to fix. He also feels that he has to be careful where he looks and who he talks to, that is called, "Walking on Eggshells", noone likes to feel that way in a relationship. The only reason your partner walks on eggshells around you is because he loves you and wants to understand you. So thank him for that and tell him it's not necessary anymore. If you are speaking through a negative thought, the only reaction that your partner will feel is a negative one. In turn he reacts and goes into am immediate defense reaction. Neither of you are thinking positive when this happens. No wonder things get out of hand and turn into an even more negative situation. You are left, still in fear and now you have guilt and your partner is left with confusion and a ton of frustrations. If your partner tells you that your irrational thoughts are killing your relationship, you had better beleive it. He is 100% correct in that fact. If you are at a point in your relationship which you feel that the damage is unrepairable and that your partner will not even want to talk to you about your fears again, stop that thought right now. He would love nothing more than to hear a different approach to getting you happy. Your partner is in on this issue along with you, and that is why he gets so angry when he is feeling unjustly accused of things that even he can't control. Know this, your partner will make his own decision, whether you scream and yell or waste your life allowing your mind to be destroyed by negative thoughts. Your need to trust is imperative in any relationship. Trust and negative thinking do not go hand in hand. Only positive thoughts will bring positive results. Through your jealous thinking you are making a huge mistake and adding more confusion to your mind by not looking at the real picture. The picture being, yes he might find someone else and yes he might leave you, but you yourself may end up in this exact same situation. No one can predict the future, but why would you want to think the worst scenario. IF your partner does decide to change his life and I emphasize IF here, why even waste one second worrying about what you will not be able to change. You must learn to enjoy life for what it is today and trust your own self that you do love and you do trust this person. It is so much easier to be happy and learn to say, SO WHAT more often to the little stuff. Another very effective strategy in overcoming jealous habits is good communication, learn how to talk to your partner about how YOU feel inside, not how he makes you feel. Take the part of who is actually allowing these negative feelings to enter inside of you. It is you, not your partner. Asking your partner for help will open his heart and he will not feel accused. Explain how your feelings on certain things are challenged through your own insecurities, and not by other elements. If your partner feels that you are being honest and not judgemental or negative, he will open up to support you and listen to you. You must not use an accusing voice when you are trying to explain how your fears are controlling your reactions. It is important to understand that all of your emotional issues are seeded inside of you through a lack of self-confidence, self-acceptance or self-esteem. Through those insecurities, jealousy finds its way into your mind using negative thoughts. You tend to look to blame almost everyone but yourself for how you feel. This is so you do not have to do all the work to change your way of thinking, you are infact putting the responsability on someone elses shoulders. This is very wrong and yet another negative way to think. You must learn to grasp the reality of how your thoughts work. You can go on and on suffering or you can take a stand and take control of how you allow triggers to effect you. Remember this please, that you will fall and be faced with getting up and going forward over and over again. You will fall back and feel how easy it is to allow jealousy to take hold of you. Jealousy will try to convince you to be your old self and that life will be good, which you now know is not true. You will have to fight these jealous feelings and focus on how unhappy the old you was and still would be. You will have to say NO to them and push forward, even if you have to grab a pen and paper and write in your journal, just to derail these negative thoughts, do it, do whatever it takes even if it means making a funny face at yourself in the mirror at yourself,if it means screaming at the top of your lungs or jumping up and down, just do it. You must derail those negative thoughts. Self- talk is what you will become very good at after a while, but it does take time. These old ways of thinking will also play mind games with you which I refer to as, "mind trickery". Mind trickery is when your positive and negative thoughts battle to control your actions and reactions to certain situations. Fear and worry cannot exist in the same mind frame as love and acceptance. Once you can learn to put love and self-acceptance ahead of fear and anger, will you then be able to allow a calmer state of mind and thought. I can not stress this point enough. Making positive decisions is entirely up to you and noone else. You are the only one that can make YOU happy in your mind. You have the ability to chose, so please chose positive. If you don't have self-acceptance and understanding of who you are, you will always feel threatended by someone or something. The more you can tear down these negative fears the less threatening they will be. If you pretend it is not you that has the issue and try to ignore it, you are doing nothing but delaying the inevitable. My question to you is,"What are you waiting for?" The answers are all inside of your mind. They will not be hand delivered to your door step with instructions or a guarantee. If you are waiting for your partner to actually get so tired and frustrated that he leaves you, that too will happen and you will have no one to blame but yourself. It is never to late to change and reach out for help as long as your reach does not come with any type of conditions or demands. I will end this now by reminding you that not only is positive thinking an important key to being happy and able to trust,but it is very much through understanding who you are and accepting yourself. Again I will say, you have the ability to chose how you think, so please chose positive. This is a production of womensselfesteem.com and I hope that this article has been beneficial to you in helping you learn how to battle jealousy. Thank You for your time. Dorothy Lafrinere, Founder of WomensSelfesteem.com Getting Control of Jealousy no 16f703da-e624-c52c-3652-967a1a630784 Hello, my name is Dorothy. I would like to welcome you to WomensSelfesteem.com’s first audio-article. This will be the first of a short series of audio-articles in regards to jealousy issues. I hope these thoughts are as effective in voice as they have been in my written articles that you have had the opportunity to read at your leisure and also to use as a good form of positive affirmations and support. This article will not take up too much of your time, but will be very helpful in your daily life. What you are going to hear is important in regards to the very controlling and confusing issue that so many women are challenged with every day, for some every single minute of their day. In this particular part of the jealousy series, you will learn what jealousy feels like and just how serious and captivating an emotion it can be. The next audio-article will talk more about dealing with jealousy and how one can actually get control of it. In the next few minutes you will learn what and how a woman feels when she is stuck in this very real and controlling jealous emotion. MUSIC It has been proven that many women are not even able to identify this confusion of thoughts that they are suffering from. A very big part of healing and winning these battles of jealousy is in identifying your enemy. In this situation the enemy is the jealous emotion that results from a much deeper issue that may or may not be obvious to its victim. You will hear more about that in a bit. Through research and in speaking with many women every day through the womensselfesteem.com, jealousy seems to be a very big issue that has them in such a downward spiral that they cannot find a way to get hold of it. One of the main causes for this negative emotion, "jealousy" stems from a time in a persons life when an emotional wound is created, which severely attacks their safe world or in other words their feelings of inner securities. These insecurities will seriously affect a woman’s self-esteem, which will in turn result in feelings of low self-worth, lack of a self-respect, and mistrust. These emotional wounds can be caused from several types of abuse or trauma such as, physical, psychological or an over-restrictive/dominated childhood. If a child is sexually abused, then that child's security is threatened through the fact that she trusted the abuser and almost always grows up feeling that they were at fault for the abuse. This also rings true in an adult life, especially if the victim truly trusts and sees her abuser as almost," God" like. When a child is psychologically abused, they usually live a life of demeaning name calling or belittling, again this does happen to adults in a trusting relationship. The over-restrictive or dominating upbringing begins at an early childhood and then follows through into adulthood. Each and every one of these abuses that you have just have just heard about are definite cuts that eventually turn into deep emotional wounds. These wounds will send a person into a prison, a prison of fear and weakness that they will carry throughout their lives if they do not learn to identify them and deal with them and strengthen their inner self. So many women search for answers to solve this scrambled up problem that they can feel inside of themselves, always coming up with a 0. They tend to look outside of themselves and that is the mistake that they are making. So many jealousy issues come from within. MUSIC The human brain is set up of two minds, which allows two ways of thinking, one being positive and one being negative. Unfortunately if a person is somehow mistreated or loses a trust as you have heard about earlier through my thoughts, at any time in their lives, it tends to weaken their ability to maintain a balance between the two. This is when they will fall prey to certain triggers that will ignite the fuse that leads to jealousy. You may be wondering what triggers are, they can be anything from a memory of your past, a smell, a persons laughter, a picture, another women, a feeling of being left alone, or even a look from a partner. There are many different types of triggers that will set off negative emotions. In this series of articles you will learn about relationship triggers and how they set off your jealous emotions. Negative relationship triggers are definite causes, which happen when a relationship fails due to mistrust issues caused by infidelities or pornography addictions by a present or past partner, and are left unresolved, which unfortunately will follow them into every relationship, if she does not stop and take hold of her issues. MUSIC Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy. The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. Theses words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality. Reality is truly jealousy’s enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being, a being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back, lying to you when you ask a direct question, twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty. Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than a exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here. This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, ones biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a very strong trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what’s yours, until that person can no longer be a victim to your jealousy. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another’s thoughts and actions. To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control, is to fall victim to an,” attachment prison” or an addiction. In this attachment prison you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, your need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. A very good example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your senses to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat. Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependant thinker, dependant on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a pure negative adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find a freedom from that attachment prison. MUSIC Jealousy will not rest until through you, it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. You are the only one that can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make. Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of insecure feelings and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you. Jealousy will rob you of sleep hour after hour. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak and that is exactly what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this non reality is, let’s say, you’re walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the commercial. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her. As I said non- real negative thoughts = jealousy. This negative emotion is extremely careful to not allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it’s worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly. It is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner. Your choice, if you choose to stay in negative thinking, is to live a life alone. When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts. MUSIC I truly believe that being controlled by jealousy is similar to being in captivity. Your mind will get so conformed to that space that you’re allowing, that you will learn to depend on it. You will feel safe only in that space. All of your knowledge of what’s outside of that captive space has been hidden away into a very dark deep place in your mind. It is all you feel that you can control, not even realizing how little control you do have; again equivalent to an addiction. What captivity and jealousy have in common is that once you allow your mind to be controlled or captivated by the overpowering emotion: jealousy, your mind will react as it would in a captive situation. Both jealousy and captivity hold your mind and reshape it to conform to its negative demands. A person in captivity eventually starts to depend on the person that’s holding them captive. You start to depend on the feelings that you’re getting from being captive by your jealous emotion. Jealousy becomes you, and you become jealousy. Together the duo team that you have allowed to control your thoughts will now destroy anything that is real. You will now live together in an unreal negative world of deception. You will live and breathe the feelings of fear, worry and deception. You will not rest one single minute. Your mind will constantly be filled with disorder and accusations and,” what ifs”. At this point your ability to trust and feel secure with your partner will no longer be available to your mind, to your negative mind that is; the negative mind that you have allowed to take place of your once positive mind. Your innate desire to protect you and your reason for being are now at risk in your mind. You need to control everything and everything about your partner, right down to his every move. You need to take ownership in order to feel safe. With this control, then and only then can you feel safe from jealousy? Again the,” attachment prison” takes over. This prison created by jealousy to keep you in its power and control. You’re first breathing thoughts are livelihood and your future are based on attachment and acceptance. To lose that would be like dying a very slow death. Under the control of jealousy and its attachment prison you will fight to survive at any cost. You will be on guard even in your sleep, to notice even the simplest sign of abandonment or loss. Hence, the sleepless nights, haunted by the enemy: jealousy, captivated by the attachment prison again. This is what you already know of jealousy. It is not fun. It is not a happy place. It is however very destructive and it will destroy your life if you continue to allow it to control your thoughts. As I mentioned earlier in this article, your mind has two sides, one being negative and one being positive. You have the ability to choose. MUSIC I have brought this part of the jealousy series to you because of how important it is to identify with the truth of jealousy. It is as real as you are sitting there listening to this. There is a way out and a way to free your mind of this prison of negative thoughts. Through my next article on “The Truth of Jealousy”, you will learn steps and strategies that will help to strengthen your mind so that you may win the battle of negative thinking. MUSIC Womensselfesteem.com thanks you for taking these few minutes to listen to our very first audio-article. “Onward and Upward” ladies. Dorothy Lafrinere, Founder of WomensSelfesteem.com Copyright © 2007 WomensSelfesteem.com Wed, 14 Feb 2007 12:52:30 GMT Dorothy Lafrinere Hello, my name is Dorothy. I would like to welcome you to WomensSelfesteem.com’s first audio-article. This will be the first of a short series of audio-articles in regards to jealousy issues. I hope these thoughts are as effective in voice as they have been in my written articles that you have had the opportunity to read at your leisure and also to use as a good form of positive affirmations and support. This article will not take up too much of your time, but will be very helpful in your daily life. What you are going to hear is important in regards to the very controlling and confusing issue that so many women are challenged with every day, for some every single minute of their day. In this particular part of the jealousy series, you will learn what jealousy feels like and just how serious and captivating an emotion it can be. The next audio-article will talk more about dealing with jealousy and how one can actually get control of it. In the next few minutes you will learn what and how a woman feels when she is stuck in this very real and controlling jealous emotion. MUSIC It has been proven that many women are not even able to identify this confusion of thoughts that they are suffering from. A very big part of healing and winning these battles of jealousy is in identifying your enemy. In this situation the enemy is the jealous emotion that results from a much deeper issue that may or may not be obvious to its victim. You will hear more about that in a bit. Through research and in speaking with many women every day through the womensselfesteem.com, jealousy seems to be a very big issue that has them in such a downward spiral that they cannot find a way to get hold of it. One of the main causes for this negative emotion, "jealousy" stems from a time in a persons life when an emotional wound is created, which severely attacks their safe world or in other words their feelings of inner securities. These insecurities will seriously affect a woman’s self-esteem, which will in turn result in feelings of low self-worth, lack of a self-respect, and mistrust. These emotional wounds can be caused from several types of abuse or trauma such as, physical, psychological or an over-restrictive/dominated childhood. If a child is sexually abused, then that child's security is threatened through the fact that she trusted the abuser and almost always grows up feeling that they were at fault for the abuse. This also rings true in an adult life, especially if the victim truly trusts and sees her abuser as almost," God" like. When a child is psychologically abused, they usually live a life of demeaning name calling or belittling, again this does happen to adults in a trusting relationship. The over-restrictive or dominating upbringing begins at an early childhood and then follows through into adulthood. Each and every one of these abuses that you have just have just heard about are definite cuts that eventually turn into deep emotional wounds. These wounds will send a person into a prison, a prison of fear and weakness that they will carry throughout their lives if they do not learn to identify them and deal with them and strengthen their inner self. So many women search for answers to solve this scrambled up problem that they can feel inside of themselves, always coming up with a 0. They tend to look outside of themselves and that is the mistake that they are making. So many jealousy issues come from within. MUSIC The human brain is set up of two minds, which allows two ways of thinking, one being positive and one being negative. Unfortunately if a person is somehow mistreated or loses a trust as you have heard about earlier through my thoughts, at any time in their lives, it tends to weaken their ability to maintain a balance between the two. This is when they will fall prey to certain triggers that will ignite the fuse that leads to jealousy. You may be wondering what triggers are, they can be anything from a memory of your past, a smell, a persons laughter, a picture, another women, a feeling of being left alone, or even a look from a partner. There are many different types of triggers that will set off negative emotions. In this series of articles you will learn about relationship triggers and how they set off your jealous emotions. Negative relationship triggers are definite causes, which happen when a relationship fails due to mistrust issues caused by infidelities or pornography addictions by a present or past partner, and are left unresolved, which unfortunately will follow them into every relationship, if she does not stop and take hold of her issues. MUSIC Jealousy is not just a word that can be ignored or excused. It is a word to be feared because it is fear that creates this negative feeling. Have you ever noticed how jealousy changes your relationship from happy to devastate in just seconds? It will feel like something that you would not wish on your worst enemy. The negative emotions that are hidden behind this word jealousy will tear your trust apart letter by letter, and rearrange it until it spells deception, betrayal, even hate. Theses words will turn you into a paranoid living creature, hiding from reality. Reality is truly jealousy’s enemy. It avoids its enemy as quickly as it replaces the positive thoughts that you once had in its place. It is strong enough to take control of your mind and direct it into thinking that someone you dearly trust and love has turned into another being, a being that is cheating on you, lusting for another, watching pornography behind your back, lying to you when you ask a direct question, twisting everything you say so that you come out looking like you are delirious and they will laugh at you when you cry out for help. It will tear your guts apart until you feel like you are going to vomit and it will make your head swirl with uncertainty. Jealousy can speed up your breathing quicker than a exercise machine, which in turn will send your heart racing into turmoil. It is a total body trauma. It can make your body break out into a sweat so fast that it will make rain look slow. If you have ever had even one minute of these threatening feelings, you know exactly what I am trying to explain here. This negative emotion will make your mind fear abandonment, ones biggest fear in a relationship are to be replaced or abandoned. This fear alone is a very strong trigger of jealousy. This fear will imprison you and force you to suffocate or guard what’s yours, until that person can no longer be a victim to your jealousy. It will drive you to feel a deep need to control another’s thoughts and actions. To allow jealousy in your mind to the point of this kind of control, is to fall victim to an,” attachment prison” or an addiction. In this attachment prison you are the weaker element of the partnership or relationship, your need to feel attached will ruin your sense of security and your self-esteem. A very good example of an attachment prison is when you fear with all of your senses to let your partner out of your site, not even to go to the corner store or to work for fear he may see someone that you would deem as a total threat. Jealousy is like a drug. Once it gets into your veins, you are no longer coherent or independent in your thinking. You have now just become a dependant thinker, dependant on jealousy and its power. To have such a need is also equivalent to an addict needing a drug. Your addiction is your jealousy, your high is the adrenalin that your body creates through its fears, only this is not positive adrenalin; it is a pure negative adrenalin rush. The only antidote to combat this addiction is through positive steps that will strengthen your ability to take back your control and find a freedom from that attachment prison. MUSIC Jealousy will not rest until through you, it has created a frustrating and unbearable environment that puts you in the position in your relationship as your own worst enemy. In effect you become the attacker that you have been trying to run from. You are now jealousy! You are the cause of this turmoil that is being thrown to your outside world; an outside world that cannot possibly feel your pain; nor can they help you escape it. But they will look down on you in their confusion. You are all alone in this prison. You are the only one that can feel this pain, the only one that feels this need to control and hide from the world. You will find yourself being driven by negative thoughts every turn you make. Have you ever been on a negative thought rollercoaster? If you ever have, you will understand what I mean when I say negative thoughts; negative thoughts that will not let you think rationally. If anything, they will work very hard at confusing your positive thinking. You will spend countless hours talking to yourself trying to get out of insecure feelings and you will end up right back feeling the same negative control that jealousy has over you. Jealousy will rob you of sleep hour after hour. When your mind cannot sleep, it becomes weak and that is exactly what strengthens the negative thoughts that will feed jealousy and keep it controlling you. These thoughts will turn over in your head until they are locked into a place of negative non realities. This is when you begin to believe in things which seem surreal. An example of this non reality is, let’s say, you’re walking past your partner as he is watching television. A commercial is on. There is a young scantily dressed woman on the commercial. Your immediate reaction is fear. You fear that at that very minute he is lusting her or worse, wishing you were her. As I said non- real negative thoughts = jealousy. This negative emotion is extremely careful to not allow your self-esteem to strengthen. It will turn your thoughts into a comparison mode instantly when it feels threatened. When it can put your mind into doubt of it’s worth, it has total control. It will continue to control and force thoughts of being undeserving, not worthy, unintelligent, boring, self-less, non-appealing, even just plain ugly. It is a true negative powerful and destructive emotion that will not only control your thoughts but will also alter your desire to love. It will make you hide in safe, loveless corners and never allow another person into your heart. To allow a person into your heart would mean that you would be putting yourself at risk of falling victim to jealousy and all the horror that it creates and feeds on. So, you at this stage begin to set up protective walls, separating you from ever being hurt, but also putting a wedge in between you and your partner. Your choice, if you choose to stay in negative thinking, is to live a life alone. When you have allowed it to weaken your thoughts to the point of delusional thinking, your mind will only see what will feed this negative emotion. All of your rational characteristics will be taken over by irrational thoughts and reactions. Everything that you thought you could control is now uncontrollable. Nothing is what it seems, while this jealousy emotion has you imprisoned behind its bars of negative and low self-worth thoughts. MUSIC I truly believe that being controlled by jealousy is similar to being in captivity. Your mind will get so conformed to that space that you’re allowing, that you will learn to depend on it. You will feel safe only in that space. All of your knowledge of what’s outside of that captive space has been hidden away into a very dark deep place in your mind. It is all you feel that you can control, not even realizing how little control you do have; again equivalent to an addiction. What captivity and jealousy have in common is that once you allow your mind to be controlled or captivated by the overpowering emotion: jealousy, your mind will react as it would in a captive situation. Both jealousy and captivity hold your mind and reshape it to conform to its negative demands. A person in captivity eventually starts to depend on the person that’s holding them captive. You start to depend on the feelings that you’re getting from being captive by your jealous emotion. Jealousy becomes you, and you become jealousy. Together the duo team that you have allowed to control your thoughts will now destroy anything that is real. You will now live together in an unreal negative world of deception. You will live and breathe the feelings of fear, worry and deception. You will not rest one single minute. Your mind will constantly be filled with disorder and accusations and,” what ifs”. At this point your ability to trust and feel secure with your partner will no longer be available to your mind, to your negative mind that is; the negative mind that you have allowed to take place of your once positive mind. Your innate desire to protect you and your reason for being are now at risk in your mind. You need to control everything and everything about your partner, right down to his every move. You need to take ownership in order to feel safe. With this control, then and only then can you feel safe from jealousy? Again the,” attachment prison” takes over. This prison created by jealousy to keep you in its power and control. You’re first breathing thoughts are livelihood and your future are based on attachment and acceptance. To lose that would be like dying a very slow death. Under the control of jealousy and its attachment prison you will fight to survive at any cost. You will be on guard even in your sleep, to notice even the simplest sign of abandonment or loss. Hence, the sleepless nights, haunted by the enemy: jealousy, captivated by the attachment prison again. This is what you already know of jealousy. It is not fun. It is not a happy place. It is however very destructive and it will destroy your life if you continue to allow it to control your thoughts. As I mentioned earlier in this article, your mind has two sides, one being negative and one being positive. You have the ability to choose. MUSIC I have brought this part of the jealousy series to you because of how important it is to identify with the truth of jealousy. It is as real as you are sitting there listening to this. There is a way out and a way to free your mind of this prison of negative thoughts. Through my next article on “The Truth of Jealousy”, you will learn steps and strategies that will help to strengthen your mind so that you may win the battle of negative thinking. MUSIC Womensselfesteem.com thanks you for taking these few minutes to listen to our very first audio-article. “Onward and Upward” ladies. Dorothy Lafrinere, Founder of WomensSelfesteem.com Copyright © 2007 WomensSelfesteem.com The Truth of Jealousy" (part 1) no